Every Demon Lord Can Learn New Tricks
by twilightm00n
Summary: A spin-off of my Inu/Kag fic this medley focuses on the strange but loveable couple of Sess/Kag. Play Dead up and finished.
1. Play Dead

AN: Yeah… Well I kinda have a major, major writing block for Every Dog Can Learn New Tricks and a rabid plot bunny decided to maul me about a Sesshomaru/Kagome spinoff of my Inu/Kag story. Being as imaginative as I am (snort) I came up with a new fic called Every Demon Lord Can Learn New Tricks. Oh and for those who enjoy my Maintenance Manuals I will _eventually_ get my lazy butt in gear to finish the Kouga one I'm working on, so please try to be patient. This is dedicated to TheEvilBanana because she threatened me with bodily harm to finish this and because her stories are freaking awesome. Check them out, if you don't you'll be sad you didn't!

Disclaimer: You think Inuyasha belongs to _me?_ (Breaks down into hysterical laughter) Yeah… The mental ward is _that _way. Cheers!

_**Every Demon Lord Can Learn New Tricks**_

_**Play Dead**_

To say that Lord Sesshomaru of the Western Lands was pissed was a massive understatement. It was like saying Shippou mildly enjoyed pocky or Inuyasha had a minor disagreement with Naraku. Such was Sesshomaru's fury that it took more than a bit of effort to hold his youkai transformation in check. His scarlet eyes oozed a tangible mixture of hatred, disgust and pain as he practically burned his sword into oblivion with his glare alone.

_'__**Damn**__ you Tenseiga.'_

His contemptuous stare shifted to the smoldering remains of what was once the mentally unstable Naraku. The bastard had _finally_ kicked the bucket (and about damn time too), but managed in one last ditch effort to take one of the few things that had actually mattered to the youkai lord.

His miko was dead.

Anger, desperation and (not that he would ever admit it,) grief continued to surge with fiery ferocity throughout his veins. Of course it did not help in the slightest that his _thrice cursed and entirely __**worthless**_sword could not even revive his soul mate. Due to the blade's demonic origin, the healing properties of Tenseiga would not work on any holy being, whether their energy was absent or not. It was a fortunate thing for Naraku that he was now dead. If given even a quarter of a chance, Sesshomaru would take great pleasure in demonstrating the consequences of the wicked hanyou's actions. Blood, anguish and torture included.

Gazing down at the crumpled form slumped at his feet, the taiyoukai's sorrow temporarily overwhelmed his emotional maelstrom before cold rage took over once again. Gathering up his mate with a tenderness that many would never believe of the beautiful youkai, Sesshomaru left before his idiotic half-brother and those ningens could arrive. They were far too late by half and Kagome paid the price for their foolishness. He would rather shave himself bald before he suffered their presence again.

Icy determination steadied the youkai as he summoned his chi cloud. He would go to Hell itself to get his miko back if he had to, which was coincidentally what he was planning to do. After all, Kagome belonged to _him. _If Death had a problem with that, his claws would persuade Him otherwise.

_'This Sesshomaru will see to it.'_

Barring only a swift stop at his fortress to ensure Kagome's body would be adequately protected, Sesshomaru's journey to the Hell Gates was uninterrupted. It probably helped that the taiyoukai's anger was still very much in evidence and everyone without dung for brains knew that an encounter with a pissed off Sesshomaru would mean an instant brutal ending courtesy of venom-tipped claws.

Sesshomaru eventually found himself at the entrance to an underground cave. It seems that his moronic minion was useful for some things after all. Jaken had originally come from a band of Hell imps, contrary to popular belief. The warty henchman had always been quite irritated whenever someone assumed he was just a common swamp youkai. But, his disgustingly servile minion's questionable origins had nothing to do with his objective. Kagome was far more important.

The highfalutin taiyoukai began to delve into bowels of the earth using his toxic poison as illumination. Eventually he stood at the foot of a massive doorway engraved with archaic symbols. The scent permeating the area reeked of old blood and decay- a rather apt odor for death, Sesshomaru mused. Far from impressed, the taiyoukai unsheathed Tenseiga and was suddenly able to view a message inscribed upon the gateway.

'For ye who enter, a sacrifice is needed.'

With a snort of disdain- wasn't losing his miko sacrifice enough?- Sesshomaru delicately slit his striped wrist and allowed a few drops of his lifeblood to soak into the door. The effect was immediate. With a despairing shriek, the gate lurched open and began to glow a sinister crimson. An elegant eyebrow arched in contempt. Granted, it _was_ Hell after all, but there was no need for such theatrics in his opinion. Ignoring the fizz of his youkai repairing the slight injury to his person, Sesshomaru thought of Kagome being trapped in this place without him.

His fury renewed with the reminder, Sesshomaru stalked into the depths of the now-scarlet passageway, eager to satiate some of his bloodlust with the creatures that would be sure to challenge his passage. So focused was he on his eminent rampage, that he did not notice the exit melt away into oblivion, this time accompanied by a quiet and decidedly malicious cackle.

_'Hell,'_ thought Sesshomaru, '_was quite repulsive.'_

Putrescent, scabbed _things_ constantly slunk in the shadows of the rotting cave walls, while searching for any weakness whatsoever in order to satiate their ravenous desires. Their eyes were nonexistent; only a dark maroon line of wrinkled flesh gave hint to where their eyes might have been. They moved with a disturbing grace although they were forever in a hunched over position with their talons trailing onto the ground.

The smell was a cloying mixture of bitter despair, loathing, and the very dregs of the human soul, if a smell could be described as such. The taiyoukai was forced to use his aura as a shield against the power of such an odor lest it completely incapacitate him. Sesshomaru had had to fend them off constantly in the beginning of his trek until they finally began to respect his strength. The creatures were frightening strong and if Sesshomaru had not been who he was, he would have most likely fallen long ago.

He had made progress, however. Hell was a labyrinth of twists and turns meant to bewilder any who attempted to navigate its fearsome depths if they were somehow strong enough to deal with the creatures within it. Sesshomaru had no problem finding his way though. Tenseiga was earning its keep for once and obediently guiding its master to his mate. The fact that it caused Hell's minions indescribable anguish was an added bonus. Although they could not be killed, the nauseating things could be temporarily stunned for a period of time.

Tenseiga pulsed in warning.

Someone or some_thing_ was aware of him. He had come to the end of the maze it seemed. The creatures, accompanying the taiyoukai throughout his journey from the beginning, were suddenly gone. This did not bode well. Tenseiga pulsed once more. Sesshomaru spread out his senses. It was…._there!_

With an ear-piercing shriek, his new enemy leapt out of its hiding place with baffling agility. Not a feared youkai for nothing, Sesshomaru dodged the appendage that would have planted straight into his chest.

Denied of its kill, the monstrosity howled its rage at the white-clad figure in front of it. An improved version of the creatures from before, his foe was leaking a gray fluid from its red skin, which glowed with a sickly sheen in the crimson light of the passageway. Where stray droplets struck the floor, stone melted and smoke sizzled.

Sesshomaru eyed it warily. It seemed stronger and quicker than the others from before. This could get interesting. He would have to stun it long enough for him to get off a Soryuha and destroy it. He evaded another swipe from those rending claws and struck back at its vulnerable head. The thing screeched its displeasure and displayed another difference from its predecessors.

The taiyoukai's sleeve was drenched in bile from a too-slow dodge. With a disdainful sniff, Sesshomaru watched his kimono melt away. It was lucky that it was the empty one. He was truly getting careless if such a thing landed a hit on him. Using his superior speed, he managed to land a flurry of hits onto his opponent that enraged it even further. Finishing his strategy, Sesshomaru outdistanced himself from its retaliatory attack and used his energy whip to trip the thing when it tried to pursue him. Taking the advantage Sesshomaru unleashed the Soryuha and watched the azure dragon devour its prey in a dazzling explosion of youkai.

Leaving the now unconscious creature behind, Sesshomaru traveled the now-straight path in front of him.

_'No more games.'_

Glossary:

Soryuha: One of Sesshomaru's signature attacks, it translates as the Azure Dragon Wave.

ningen: human

youkai: demon or demonic energy

highfalutin: arrogant/egotistical Sesshomaru in a nutshell

miko:priestess


	2. Play Dead II I Know You!

**AN:** Ok I'm officially the laziest person on earth since I meant to update this story long before and did not. All I can say is that I apologize profusely and hope that I didn't lose too many potential readers. Hopefully this chapter will make up for it. Which reminds me, although I have thanked previous reviewers before through replying I just want to once again thank everyone who has reviewed this or any of my other stories. You guys rock and encouraged me a lot. –grins- Alrighty then enough sentimentality and on with the show.

**Disclaimer:**Inuyasha is not mine and all of that jazz.

_**Play Dead Part II**_

_'This,' _Sesshomaru decided, _'was becoming incredibly tiresome.'_

After defeating the vaguely humanoid monstrosity, the taiyoukai swiftly continued on the trail Tenseiga left for him to follow. However, the path soon became convoluted after only approximately five minutes of straightforward walking. Once again, he was caught in a honeycomb of passages and tunnels that were maddeningly long. Sesshomaru prided himself on his patience, but even his was getting worn thin. In all honesty he was quite close to just tearing loose and blasting a more direct pathway himself. Three things halted this destructive, yet appealing impulse.

One, although it would provide him a way to release his considerable frustration, the catacombs might become destabilized from his attack and collapse. Kagome would laugh herself sick if the mighty Sesshomaru fell in such an undignified manner. Two, acting in such a way would not befit a noble personage of his rank and bearing. Three, it would be disturbingly reminiscent of the half-breed imbecile known as Inuyasha. Any action such as that would _never ever_ be committed by the great Lord of the West with absolutely no exceptions.

_'Even,'_ Sesshomaru thought, _'if the alternative was horribly inconvenient.'_

At the very least, Hell's inhabitants had greatly ceased their incessant harassment. Occasionally, another dimwitted foe would attempt to assault its superior quarry but such encounters came to a quick and messy conclusion.

Under its master's hand Tenseiga pulsed lightly. Unlike before, this pulse was not for battle. Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. So, his miko was close by. It was about time.

Tenseiga took this moment to pulse once again, this time being much stronger. Shortly after, a flare of concentrated youkai, enough to rival his own, flared into existence. The taiyoukai snorted. It figured. The wench always did attract trouble wherever she happened to grace her presence. This time would be no different.

The aura was quite strange, however. It felt similar to his own, even more so than his father's had been. Like all of Hell's minions there was that sinister taint which hungered for any life that seemed even remotely available. Even now, it twined and twisted with his aura in an effort to plunder the vitality that it craved.

Suddenly, a blow struck the taiyoukai before he could even counter the attack. Cursing his distraction, Sesshomaru retaliated with a swing from Tenseiga only to clash with an alarmingly familiar blade.

_'This is impossible!' _he seethed.

But it was not. A dark twin of Tenseiga –and himself he realized- was blocking all of his attacks and techniques. Clothed in a wreath of umber flames, his shadow double matched every single move with maddening ease. Glowing crimson eyes taunted the taiyoukai with his trademark smirk. However, amidst the twirl of dancing blades and strings of glowing venom, Sesshomaru noticed a potential weakness. Unlike the original, the double had _both _arms available; making it difficult for even Sesshomaru to combat given that the double had all of his skills. The left arm had a slight reddish tint to its glow, which made Sesshomaru suspect what had happened. After the battle with Sounga, Sesshomaru had relinquished his arm once more to the depths of the underworld believing that it would no longer cause any trouble. He was right in one way. The arm would never be able to traverse the upper world again, but in Hell it had free reign to accumulate youkai and become a menace. It would be no use to strike at the dark energy the shadow Sesshomaru was made of. It would only regenerate from its surroundings and wear him down. The key was that damnable arm.

In another situation the taiyoukai would have found his plight slightly amusing. It figured that the only being that could cause him this much difficulty as an opponent would be himself. That his arm was stubborn enough to continue plaguing him would have had Kagome in fits of hysteria. His mate would have said that it was a suitable reflection on his personality; an opinion that would have earned her an icy stare for her impudence and cause her to laugh even more.

As it was, Sesshomaru snarled in fury at his enemy. The arm still evaded all of his efforts to destroy it permanently and put up a constant barrage of attacks to boot. With both arms the taiyoukai would have been able to defend and attack the clone far more easily, but his single arm only allowed him a limited range of creativity to surprise his foe and penetrate its defenses. Dodging a swipe that would have taken his head, Sesshomaru grimly endured the full rage of his Hell-made counterpart.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Kagome was beyond pissed. In fact she had passed pissed long ago and was currently indulging in homicidal rage. How the _hell_ did Naraku manage to kill her?! The cowardly bastard did it as his final act and _she_ was unfortunate enough to be the focus of it! The irony did not miss her. She had survived all of his crap for how long and then she gets offed right at the very freaking end. If she had been a main character in a book or movie, this never would have happened damn it. Kagome gloomily decided that reality really _really_ sucked.

As befitting someone in a homicidal rage who had just been torn away from everything and everyone she loved, Kagome went on a rampage of holy wrath courtesy of an old bow and quiver that some unlucky dead soldier had dropped and her own spiritual energy. Preferring hand-to-hand combat due to her need for outright aggression instead of an indirect sacred arrow, the furious miko continued to cut a sizeable dent into Hell's population.

So concentrated was she on her appointed punishment that Kagome almost missed the flare of startlingly familiar youkai that was near her current location.

_'It couldn't be,' _she thought, _'Sesshomaru __**here**__?!'_

Another flare of youkai, this time distinctly Hell-tainted, registered on her senses.

_'That one felt like Sesshomaru as well. Now I __**know**__ I'm insane.'_

Disregarding her questionable observations, the miko began to work her way through the now not so convenient minions that stood in the way of her mate.

When she at last managed to come within sight of the blazing auras Kagome stood transfixed. So she wasn't completely loopy after all; there were indeed _two_ insufferably egotistical taiyoukais trying to tear each other apart. It seemed that her real Sesshomaru was having quite a bit of trouble with his counterpart as well. She would definitely have to tease him later about that, but for now…

Kagome notched one of the dead soldier's arrows and focused with deadly precision on the clone's scarlet arm. She had to be very cautious lest she accidentally hit her mate in the whirlwind of flashing blades and claws. When the clone retreated for a brief moment in order to power up a potentially devastating technique, Kagome seized her opportunity. The sacred arrow sliced through the air, gathering more holy power from its flight until it struck its target with a surge of purifying flames. Taking his cue, Sesshomaru added the might of his Soryuha to deal the finishing blow.

Turning away from the mound of ashes which was once his arm, Sesshomaru cocked an eyebrow at his rescuer.

_What took you so long?_

Reading the meaning perfectly, Kagome smiled.

"There were a few lackeys that didn't want to move, but I managed to convince them," she explained.

The eyebrow returned to its original position. He would expect no less. His golden eyes appraised her form for any signs of injury to her soul. Although she had not been in the afterlife long enough for her soul to deteriorate like the others and she had a substantially strong soul at that, he was still concerned. Satisfied when his inspection revealed his concern was unfounded, Sesshomaru gave into the urge to kiss her breathless. Watching her slow flush up her neck and starry-eyed gaze, the taiyoukai graced her with his customary smirk.

Still too dazed to be truly irritated at his typical overwhelming arrogance, Kagome only let out a small huff in response.

"I must be a lunatic for loving you so much," she muttered.

Detecting the fond exasperation laced throughout her tone, Sesshomaru smirked once more as he corrected her.

"You would only be a lunatic, miko, if you did _not_ love this Sesshomaru with everything in your being."

Ignoring his miko's increasingly vulgar comments about puffed up taiyoukais with bloated egos, Sesshomaru began to lead them home.

**Glossary:**

Soryuha - One of Sesshomaru's signature attacks, it translates as the Azure Dragon Wave.

Miko – priestess with spiritual powers

Taiyoukai – bad-ass demon lord

Youkai – demon or demonic energy

Tenseiga – One of Sesshomaru's swords made from his father's fang. Can deal stronger than normal damage to the dead but can't harm regular beings at all. Can revive the dead as well.

Sounga – Main enemy in Swords of an Honorable Ruler. It used Sesshomaru's cut-off arm in order to carry out its plans since only the blood of Inu no Taisho (Inuyasha's and Sesshomaru's father) can wield it.

**AN:** Well there we are. Hope the wait was worth it and please review with your critiques! They make me happy.


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